Why the Current Asphalt Composition is a Cosmic Joke

Alright, folks, let's talk about roads. Yeah, roads! You ever notice how they’re always under construction? Like some kind of ancient curse that nobody can break? That's because asphalt—the miracle substance we slap onto every highway, byway, and parking lot—is about as durable as a wet paper towel in a hurricane. And yet, we just keep using it! Let’s break down why this is one of the dumbest ideas humanity keeps clinging to like a bad habit. 

 

1. The Science of Stupidity: Why Asphalt Sucks 

1.1. Bitumen: The Black Goo of Regret 

Asphalt is made of bitumen, a leftover from the oil refining process. You know, the stuff even oil companies don’t want? So, what do we do with it? We smear it all over the ground like peanut butter and call it a road. But guess what? This crap is fragile. Too hot? It melts. Too cold? It cracks. Too much traffic? It breaks. Too much rain? It disintegrates. Basically, it’s the Goldilocks of failure. 

1.2. A Non-Stick Band-Aid for the Planet 

Despite having gravel, sand, and other crunchy bits mixed in, asphalt isn’t much more than a glorified Oreo held together with crude oil. Unlike real composite materials that actually work (like carbon fiber or reinforced concrete), asphalt is a joke. It doesn’t heal, it doesn’t strengthen over time, and it sure as hell doesn’t last. And we wonder why potholes keep showing up like bills you forgot to pay? 

 

2. Why Our Roads Are Falling Apart Faster Than Our Sanity 

2.1. The Fatigue Problem: Or Why Your Car's Suspension Hates You 

Ever drive on a road so bad it feels like you're off-roading in a monster truck? That’s because asphalt develops microscopic cracks every time a car rolls over it. These cracks grow, link up like a dysfunctional family reunion, and suddenly—boom!—you’ve got a crater big enough to swallow a small hatchback. 

2.2. Weight Distribution? Never Heard of It. 

Every day, trucks the size of small buildings roll over roads built for horse-drawn carriages. And what happens? The roads collapse! Because asphalt, being the wimpy material it is, just can't handle it. So we keep filling the same damn potholes year after year, like an abusive relationship we refuse to leave. 

 

3. The Environmental Train Wreck 

3.1. Recycling? Yeah, Right. 

They tell us asphalt is recyclable, which is like saying you can reuse toilet paper. Sure, you can, but should you? Not really. Asphalt breaks down, gets contaminated, and turns into waste faster than a political promise. So most of it ends up in landfills or—surprise—back on the road, where it fails even faster. 

3.2. Cooking the Planet, One Road at a Time 

Ever stood on an asphalt road in summer? Feels like Satan’s driveway, right? That’s because asphalt traps heat, making cities hotter, raising air conditioning bills, and generally cooking the planet faster than a microwave burrito. But hey, at least it looks nice for a few weeks before it starts falling apart! 

 

4. The Big Dumb Question: Why Do We Keep Using It? 

4.1. Because It’s Cheap (In the Worst Way Possible) 

Governments love asphalt because it’s cheap. Not durable, not sustainable—just cheap. Like buying a dollar-store umbrella in a hurricane. Sure, it's affordable now, but in the long run, the constant repairs cost more than just using better materials in the first place. 

4.2. The Petroleum Mafia Won’t Let Us Change 

Asphalt is basically a scam by the oil industry. It’s a way to get rid of the junk they don’t want while making us pay for it. And since big construction contracts are written by the same people who profit from this mess, we keep getting the same shoddy roads year after year. 

 

5. Why Politicians Don't Care 

5.1. The Election Cycle Scam 

Politicians don’t care if roads last—they care if roads look like they’re being fixed. Election season comes around, and suddenly there’s construction everywhere. Not actual improvements, just enough roadwork to slap some fresh asphalt down and call it progress. Then, once they’re re-elected? Back to pothole city, baby! 

5.2. The Public Has No Clue 

Most people don’t realize they’re being played. They see roadwork and think, Wow, look at all these improvements! instead of Why are we fixing this same damn road for the fifth time this decade? But since nobody questions it, politicians keep shoveling money into the same broken system. 

 

6. The Alternatives We Should Have Been Using Yesterday 

6.1. Self-Healing Asphalt: Roads That Fix Themselves 

Science has given us self-healing asphalt—a magical material that repairs itself using embedded oils and heating systems. But do we use it? Nope! Too expensive, they say. Because God forbid we spend money on roads that don’t need repairs every five minutes. 

6.2. Roads Made from Recycled Plastics 

We have plastic waste literally everywhere, and guess what? You can use it to build roads that last longer than asphalt. But instead, we just dump it in the ocean and stick with our beloved petroleum goo. 

6.3. Permeable Pavement: Solving Flooding and Wear 

Water ruins asphalt. Permeable pavement lets water drain, reducing wear and stopping floods before they start. Sounds great, right? Too bad it’s not lining the pockets of the usual suspects, so nobody wants to use it. 

 

Conclusion: The Cosmic Joke That Is Asphalt Roads 

If aliens ever visit Earth, the first thing they’ll notice is how stupid our roads are. We have the technology to build better, stronger, more sustainable roads, but instead, we keep pouring money into the same outdated, petroleum-based nonsense. Why? Because of money, politics, and pure, unfiltered stupidity. Until we wake up and demand better, we’re stuck in an endless loop of roadwork signs, pothole dodging, and the eternal question: Didn’t they just fix this road?